Penny For Your Thoughts
by BelieveInNargles13
Summary: When Jennifer becomes uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn after the events in the precinct in 4x09, Duke confronts her about what actually happened and what had caused her hallucinations. Jennifer opens up to Duke about a past relationship that caused her current insecurities.


**AN:**_I decided to use some of the things that Jennifer said/heard/did while under the influence of the black things in her brain to put together a past for her. Obviously I have no affiliation with the TV show and therefore no idea if any of it is true or not._

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**Penny for your thoughts**

Duke was trying to clean up the mess in his boat left courtesy of Dwight's earlier rampage, searching for evidence of Duke's involvement of the missing troubled people. He really wasn't sure where half this stuff had come from or where it was supposed to go. It was easily going to take him the rest of the evening to get his boat back to its previous status

"Why am I not making Dwight help with all this? What do you say we go grab a quick dinner at the Gull and leave this disaster for tomorrow?"

He didn't get a response like he was expecting. He turned around to where Jennifer had been sitting just moments ago, going through the box of item belonging to her biological parents once again, scrutinizing everything for information on who they might be. She wasn't there anymore.

"Jennifer?" Duke went above deck, thinking he might know where she had gotten to. Sure enough, he found her sitting on the bow of the Cape Rouge with her legs hanging over the edge. It was a location she took over often when she wanted some time to herself to think. He paused for a moment, taking in the beauty of the sight in front of him. The breeze rustled her curly, dark hair. She was staring aimlessly off into the sunset, the colors of which reflected off her light skin. He could tell by her body language that she was deep in thought. He usually let her be when she was in this mode, but after today's events he thought she might need someone to talk to.

He dug through his pockets and pulled out a small object before walking over to her. He sat down next to her with his legs over the edge and leaned onto the metal rail, mirroring Jennifer's position. Staring off into the distance, he handed her the object. She took it and he didn't have to look at her to know the confused she was giving him.

He turned to her. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled at him, but it quickly faded. She fiddled with the shiny coin. "What is this, Duke?"

"It's a penny. The most useless coin ever unless you want to flatten it on a train track or are wondering what someone is thinking about."

"You know that's not what I mean, Duke." His joke didn't provoke even the slightest smile from her. He knew something was seriously bothering her this time and that his decision to approach her and ask about it had been a good one. "I mean this," she motions back and forth between the two of them. "Us. We save Audrey and you ask me to stay instead of go back to Boston. I move into your boat, then you try and push me away, but then we sleep together. For all intents and purposes we are basically a couple who is already living together. But where is this going when in reality we barely know each other? I know I must sound even more crazy than usual right now but I have this habit of always going for the guys who are complete jerks and just want to use me, so I promised myself that next time I got serious with a guy that he would want to get serious with me too, because I don't think I can go through that all again."

When she finally paused for a breath, Duke was lost. He knew she was making some sense. There was a lot they still didn't know about each other. But he wanted to learn everything. He began, "Jennifer, I-," but he wasn't really certain what he was planning to say.

She saved him from having to come up with a response by shaking her head. "Never mind. Like I said, I'm being more insane than usual. Forget I said anything."

She handed the penny back to Duke and started to stand up, but he grabbed her arm to stop her. She tensed. "Hey," interjected Duke, "wait a minute. Does this have anything to do with what happened earlier today? What exactly did that thing in your brain do to you?" He slid his hand down her arm and clasped her hand. "You can talk to me you know. There may be a lot we don't know about each other yet, but I do care about you and I want to learn everything. You can trust me."

Jennifer settled back into her previous position, clinging tightly onto Duke's hand. "It made me see things. You, mostly. Only, not really you. You were saying things to me I don't think you'd ever really say, but at the time it seemed so real."

"What kind of things did I say?"

"You spoke about how crazy I am. You were telling me that, now that we've found Audrey, I was no longer needed in Haven and you thought the best thing to do would be to take me back to the psych ward where I belong-," she cut her sentence off quickly and looked over at Duke.

"Yeah," he replied, immediately knowing why she stopped so abruptly. "I caught the 'back to' part. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but I am here to listen." He took his other hand and placed it over the two clasped tightly together between them.

She sighed, not really wanting to think back to the times where she seriously began questioning her own sanity, but at the same time, needing Duke to know and convince her she wasn't crazy. "Back when I first started hearing the voices, I had been going out with this guy for about a year. I don't know how or why I stayed with him for so long. He was an abusive jerk who cheated on me multiple times. But he told me he loved me and I guess I believed him." Duke's hands tightened around hers, not wanting to believe that anyone would treat her that way.

She continued, "I started hearing what I now know was the barn, but at first just sounded like voices repeating the same things over and over and over again." She was staring out into the distance, no longer aware of her surroundings, but lost back in her memories. "I did my best to hide it from him because I knew he'd be angry with me. I went to my doctor and saw a psychiatrist, who prescribed me some medication. But it didn't work. I was still hearing things. After a while I had just had enough. I took a pill, and then I took another one, and when that didn't help I took another, and another. The next thing I knew the bottle, which had been full enough to last a few more weeks, was completely empty. I wasn't trying to kill myself per se, but I really wanted the voices to stop. I remember feeling a moment of peace and acceptance right before I lost consciousness.

"I woke up alone in the psych ward of a nearby hospital. I had no idea what had happened or where I was. I was terrified and confused, and it was a horrifying experience. I had to stay there for a couple weeks until they finally found the right medication to make the voices stop and decided I was no longer a threat to myself. When I was released, I went back to our old apartment. My boyfriend had put all my stuff in the hallway and changed the locks. Apparently when he found me unconscious on our bedroom floor he had the decency to take me to the hospital, but not to stick around and make sure I was okay. That was when I promised myself I would treat myself better, including when it came to the guys I dated."

Duke put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him, and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. I'm sorry you had to go through all of it alone. But you know the truth now. You're not crazy. You're connected to the barn. We might not know how or why yet, but we'll figure it out. Together."

She leaned her head against his shoulder and he felt her nod. "Have you talked to Nathan yet? Is Audrey okay?"

"She's fine. A bit shaken up about everything. She hasn't said much to Nathan about what actually happened after she left the station with William."

"Do you think she'll be up to visitors in the morning? I want to apologize for the things I said to her earlier."

"Yeah. You did kind of freak out on her. What was that about?"

Jennifer sat up, pulling away from Duke, and leaned forward onto the boat's railing again.

"You again. Or more specifically you and her. Your feelings for her. And don't try to tell me I'm being paranoid or anything like that about this. I'd agree with you, but it's not just coming out of nowhere because there is obviously a history there. I mean, you jumped into a dying barn to try and save her, not knowing if it would just kill you or not."

Duke took a deep breath and made sure to look at her as he spoke. "I'm not going to lie to you. I care about Audrey and probably always will. And if I had the choice to do the whole barn thing all over again, I would do it the exact same way."

Jennifer dropped her head and turned slightly away from him. "Duke, I'm not going to stick around if I'm just your consolation prize while Nathan gets the girl you want."

Duke grabbed her chin and turned her back towards him. She didn't meet his eyes. "You didn't let me finish. I don't regret jumping into that barn. If I hadn't, I never would have met you." He caught her gaze. "A part of me will always care about Audrey. But I care about you too. A lot. A lot more than I ever thought I would when you walked into my hospital room wearing that silly, yet adorable, hat and claiming to be my sister. You make me feel something I never felt before. Not with Audrey, or my ex-wife, or anyone I thought I cared about before. It's like a piece of me was missing before I found you."

Jennifer smiled and began to laugh. "You know how cheesy that sounds, right?"

Duke had to laugh as well. "Yes. Yes I do. But that doesn't make it any less true. You're sweet, and funny, and beautiful. You're the kind of girl any guy should feel lucky and humbled to be with. My only fear in this relationship is that I don't deserve you."

He was relieved as he saw a small smile spread across her face. She averted her eyes from him again and looked down at their hands, which had found their way to an interlocked position again. "No one's ever called me 'beautiful' before," she admitted quietly.

Duke used his free hand to brush her hair out of her face and behind her ear, and then rested his hand on the side of her head. When she looked up at him he said, "You _are _beautiful. Don't listen to what any of your exes have told you or what anyone might try and make you believe. Know that you are beautiful. And if you ever forget. I'll be right here to remind you." He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

When he pulled away, Jennifer looked up at him. "So you're not secretly in love with Audrey?"

He looked her dead in the eye. "No."

Before she asked him her next question, she started smiling in what was supposed to be a joking manner. But the tears that had welled up in her eyes told Duke that this was the issue that had truly been bothering her for a long time. Longer than he could possibly imagine. "And you don't think I'm crazy?"

He leaned forward and took her lips with his. As he kissed her deeply, he felt the tears rolling down her cheeks falling onto his hand, which was still resting on her cheek. He forced himself to pull away from her so he could give his answer. He rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes remained closed, but his were taking in every inch of her face. Her eyelashes had begun to clump together with tears and black streaks were slowly running down her cheeks. Despite how low the sun had set, he could see red splotches forming on her face as she tried to hold back the rest of the tears threatening to fall. She still looked beautiful. How no one had ever told her before was baffling to him. He would be sure to make up for that.

He answered her question, "No. Not at all."

Any walls Jennifer had been trying to construct between herself and Duke completely crumbled as she broke down into tears of relief. Duke pulled her into his chest and tried to calm her by stroking her hair and rubbing her back, but knew she had been holding onto these fears for far too long. She had to go through this and he had to allow it to happen. So he just held her tiny, shaking body against his chest. The sun had long set when Jennifer finally calmed down again. They sat on the ship for a little while longer in silence, staring out at the sea and the stars.

Duke looked over at Jennifer's head cradled into his shoulder. Her eyes were closed. Her breathing slow. She was sound asleep. He didn't blame her. It had been a long day for the both of them, but for her especially. He wrapped his arms around her waist and under her knees and lifted her up. She only stirred to curl even further into him as he carried her back to the bed they had shared together what seemed like so long ago, and yet had only been last night. She slept through the night with her head pillowed against his chest, and he could not remember ever feeling so happy or whole before.

Back on the bow of the Cape Rouge, a shiny penny fell off the edge of the boat and into the sea. Neither of them would miss it. The thoughts Jennifer had shared with Duke had been worth so much more than what a simple penny would have covered. But they still weren't worth nearly as much as what Duke had given to her that night. Peace of mind.


End file.
